Is It Your Intuition or Anxiety? How to Tell the Difference in Dating
You’ve probably heard it before: “Just trust your gut.”
And while that sounds like great advice, many people—especially those healing from past relationship pain—find themselves asking:
“But what if my gut is wrong?”
“What if it’s just anxiety?”
This is a very real and valid concern. When you’ve been hurt before, your nervous system becomes attuned to danger—even when none is present. What feels like a warning could actually be a trigger. So how do you learn to tell the difference between your wise, intuitive voice and your anxiety shouting from past wounds?
Let’s break it down.
Intuition vs. Anxiety: What’s the Difference?
Anxiety is a reaction.
It lives in the body. It shows up as energy, discomfort, or a need to do something right now. It’s often loud, persistent, and tied to a fear of being hurt again.
Your body may go into:
Fight or flight: urgency, fidgeting, pacing, tension in your limbs
Freeze or fawn: numbness, people-pleasing, feeling stuck or unable to speak up
You might notice:
Tingly sensations in your chest
Tightness in your stomach
Restlessness in your arms and legs
These are your body’s way of saying: “This feels familiar. Be careful.”
But familiar doesn’t always mean dangerous—it just means unprocessed.
Intuition is knowing. It’s calm. It’s grounded. It doesn’t shout. It simply is. You may still feel emotion on top of your intuition—like sadness, disappointment, or worry—but beneath that, there’s a clear truth.
For example:
You know deep down you don’t want to go on another date with someone. You feel peace in that decision—until the worry kicks in:
“What if I hurt their feelings?”
“Am I being too picky?”
Your intuition is the quiet truth:
This isn’t right for me.
And once you act on it, you often feel a wave of relief.
Your Past Can Cloud the Present
To tell anxiety and intuition apart, you need to know where your wounds are.
Maybe you:
Fear being abandoned or alone
Feel pressure to be “good enough”
Often question your own worth or decisions
These past emotional imprints can color your perception. What feels like a red flag might actually be your nervous system remembering pain. When you bring awareness to those patterns, you begin to sort out what’s real and what’s residue.
Try This: Journal Prompts for Clarity
Use these questions when you’re unsure what you’re feeling or why:
What emotion am I experiencing right now?
What is the story I’m telling myself?
What evidence supports this belief?
What evidence does not support this belief?
What is the most reasonable conclusion in this moment?
What do I need to do next?
Your answers might surprise you.
Sometimes the next step is asking more questions.
Sometimes it’s setting a boundary.
Sometimes it’s giving yourself space to breathe and reflect.
Final Thought: Learn to Honor Your Wise Mind
Your intuition is a compass—one that becomes more reliable the more you clear away fear and old wounds.
As you heal, you’ll learn what your “yes” feels like, what your “no” sounds like, and how your body signals each. And with time, you’ll no longer wonder if you can trust your gut.
You’ll know that you can.
